Corporate Jargon: Please. Can you speak like a human being?

For many years, I have worked in large organisations. I believe I could easily write a list of corporate “mumbo jumbo” to fill several pages of a book. Why people feel the need to use “big meaningless words”, I will never understand.

Some years ago, I was involved in a small client meeting. My job was to gather the requirements of a project so that I can pass it onto our development team. Two very sharply dressed gentlemen entered the meeting room. I was told by a senior manager that they can be a little intimidating.

As I withdrew a binder from my briefcase, one of the gentlemen began talking. From what I recall, this was his opening statement:

“Our mission objective with this project is to strategically unify our critical core competencies, leveraging the online medium to facilitate this transformation.”

I sat back. I closed my eyes for a few seconds. I opened up my binder, and simply wrote: “Bullsh*t”.

I turned my binder to show him what I wrote, and asked him if I understood him correctly. From reading the expression on his face, I hadn’t. I then wrote:

“We want to make money with the internet.” Turned the binder back towards him, and said:

“Is this what you want to do?”

The second gentlemen began to chuckle. The human-thesaurus however was not amused. He said:

“If you can’t conduct yourself professionally, than perhaps you are not the person we should be talking to.”

I replied, “I’m sorry, but I cannot *professionally* do my job if you continue to speak like that.”

What makes someone so oblivious to the abuse of their own language? Language is about graceful and pleasant communication. Yet, it has been hijacked as a tool to inflate one’s own ego.

This week, I received an e-mail from a gentleman who carries a fear of communicating, because he is not fluent with the English language. How ironic that I find many foreigners easier to understand than fluent locals. The purpose of language is to communicate ideas from one person to another, a lesson well learned by those who cannot speak comfortably.

Many of my students are international, and quite often they apologise for their lack of fluency in English. After so many years of hearing corporate garbage, I find it refreshing to hear such a “pure and direct” use of the English language. International students simply say what they need to, they effectively get their point across.

It’s Everywhere!

Starting out as a techie, I heard my fair share of technical buzzwords. People would speak in 3 or 4 letter acronyms, use technical language that took longer to describe something than simply using layman’s terms.

I once worked in a team with a consultant who would abbreviate almost everything, but would then spend extra time telling you what the abbreviation stands for. Why?

To make matters worse, he would use technical terms that very few people are familiar with, and when asked what it means, he would respond with:

“Oh. I thought we were all on the same page here. It means… “

In meetings, he would use a buzzword, and smile for a few seconds looking around the room. Yes… we are all impressed… (you git). A timid lady that regularly sat in our meetings once leaned into my ear and said “I just want to punch him in the face when he does that stupid smile.”

Here is my point: You may think to yourself,

“Boy. I sound pretty darn fantastic when I talk. These people will really be impressed once they hear what I have to say.”

Your audience is thinking:

“What a dipsh*t.”

I have experienced the “curse of the buzzword” in almost every industry I have been in. As an educator, I have even witnessed other University teachers inflating their own egos at the expense of communicating ideas to students.

Simple, direct, and honest communication is no more inferior than extravagant sentences put together by scrabble winners. In fact, it is quite the opposite. Direct communication achieves its purpose with efficiency.

Never in a presentation was I ever told: “You made that sound too simple. Can you use a few big words and some corporate buzzwords to make it sound better?”

The Burden Is On You

When communicating, whether in person or over e-mail, the burden of misunderstanding is on the communicator. If your audience does not understand you, than you need to change the way you communicate.

In the example above, the consultant in our team would purposefully cause misunderstandings to inflate his own ego. By forcing a question, he would have the opportunity to “explain it” to you. With a strong grasp of the English language, this person offers little to no value in human communication.

When he asked for feedback in his annual review, I commented that “a dog scratching a door communicates his needs far better than you do.”

I may be wrong, but I feel that the most intelligent people can explain difficult concepts in a manner almost everyone can understand. In contrast, buzzwords and jargon are reserved for insecure egotists.

Don’t let it sneak up on you

A close friend of mine was working in the financial sector for two years, before he adopted the phrase “interface”. After hearing it so many times, it became a part of his buzzword vocabulary. It caught up to him, and he didn’t even know it!

On a sunny Saturday, I called him at his office (he often worked weekends). When he answered the phone, I asked:

“Hey mate, are you free for lunch in about 10 minutes?”

“I am interfacing with a client at the moment.”

“You’re having sex?”, I asked. I then heard a woman laughing in the background.

“No I’m just in a meeting, and you’re on speaker.”

“I see, so you’re interfacing with her?”, I asked.

“Yes.”

“You’re talking to her?”, I asked.

“Yes.”

“Ah I see. I’m going to go and interface with someone else who doesn’t use the word ‘interface’.”

Please. Speak like a human being.

My purpose is not to ridicule. It is not to stunt our personal growth and pursue a better use of the English language. It is simply to be mindful of “why” you are talking in such a manner.

There is a point of diminishing returns. After reaching fluency in any language, there is a point beyond which you’re communication becomes worthless. Rather than trying too hard, focus on your audience, whether this is one person or a million.

As teenagers abuse the thesaurus on their home computers, adults bloat simple communication to appear wiser. Words like “strategy and synergy” have been thrown around so much that they no longer hold any meaning.

I will leave you with one final, but memorable story about a board meeting that regularly brings a smile on my face. My project manager and I were mere spectators to a verbal death-match between two managers. After half an hour, my project manager stepped in, held up a chart and said:

“Is this what you’re saying?”

To which one of the managers replied:

“I’m not saying that’s what I’m saying. I’m saying: I don’t know what I’m saying.”

…Such is the life of today’s corporate verbal junkie.

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Published:
5.2.08 / 4pm
Category:
Art of Conversation, Occupation, Rethink your life