Corporate Jargon: Please. Can you speak like a human being?
2 05 2008
For many years, I have worked in large organisations. I believe I could easily write a list of corporate “mumbo jumbo” to fill several pages of a book. Why people feel the need to use “big meaningless words”, I will never understand.
Some years ago, I was involved in a small client meeting. My job was to gather the requirements of a project so that I can pass it onto our development team. Two very sharply dressed gentlemen entered the meeting room. I was told by a senior manager that they can be a little intimidating.
As I withdrew a binder from my briefcase, one of the gentlemen began talking. From what I recall, this was his opening statement:
“Our mission objective with this project is to strategically unify our critical core competencies, leveraging the online medium to facilitate this transformation.”
I sat back. I closed my eyes for a few seconds. I opened up my binder, and simply wrote: “Bullsh*t”.
I turned my binder to show him what I wrote, and asked him if I understood him correctly. From reading the expression on his face, I hadn’t. I then wrote:
“We want to make money with the internet.” Turned the binder back towards him, and said:
“Is this what you want to do?”
The second gentlemen began to chuckle. The human-thesaurus however was not amused. He said:
“If you can’t conduct yourself professionally, than perhaps you are not the person we should be talking to.”
I replied, “I’m sorry, but I cannot *professionally* do my job if you continue to speak like that.”
What makes someone so oblivious to the abuse of their own language? Language is about graceful and pleasant communication. Yet, it has been hijacked as a tool to inflate one’s own ego.
This week, I received an e-mail from a gentleman who carries a fear of communicating, because he is not fluent with the English language. How ironic that I find many foreigners easier to understand than fluent locals. The purpose of language is to communicate ideas from one person to another, a lesson well learned by those who cannot speak comfortably.
Many of my students are international, and quite often they apologise for their lack of fluency in English. After so many years of hearing corporate garbage, I find it refreshing to hear such a “pure and direct” use of the English language. International students simply say what they need to, they effectively get their point across.
It’s Everywhere!
Starting out as a techie, I heard my fair share of technical buzzwords. People would speak in 3 or 4 letter acronyms, use technical language that took longer to describe something than simply using layman’s terms.
I once worked in a team with a consultant who would abbreviate almost everything, but would then spend extra time telling you what the abbreviation stands for. Why?
To make matters worse, he would use technical terms that very few people are familiar with, and when asked what it means, he would respond with:
“Oh. I thought we were all on the same page here. It means… “
In meetings, he would use a buzzword, and smile for a few seconds looking around the room. Yes… we are all impressed… (you git). A timid lady that regularly sat in our meetings once leaned into my ear and said “I just want to punch him in the face when he does that stupid smile.”
Here is my point: You may think to yourself,
“Boy. I sound pretty darn fantastic when I talk. These people will really be impressed once they hear what I have to say.”
Your audience is thinking:
“What a dipsh*t.”
I have experienced the “curse of the buzzword” in almost every industry I have been in. As an educator, I have even witnessed other University teachers inflating their own egos at the expense of communicating ideas to students.
Simple, direct, and honest communication is no more inferior than extravagant sentences put together by scrabble winners. In fact, it is quite the opposite. Direct communication achieves its purpose with efficiency.
Never in a presentation was I ever told: “You made that sound too simple. Can you use a few big words and some corporate buzzwords to make it sound better?”
The Burden Is On You
When communicating, whether in person or over e-mail, the burden of misunderstanding is on the communicator. If your audience does not understand you, than you need to change the way you communicate.
In the example above, the consultant in our team would purposefully cause misunderstandings to inflate his own ego. By forcing a question, he would have the opportunity to “explain it” to you. With a strong grasp of the English language, this person offers little to no value in human communication.
When he asked for feedback in his annual review, I commented that “a dog scratching a door communicates his needs far better than you do.”
I may be wrong, but I feel that the most intelligent people can explain difficult concepts in a manner almost everyone can understand. In contrast, buzzwords and jargon are reserved for insecure egotists.
Don’t let it sneak up on you
A close friend of mine was working in the financial sector for two years, before he adopted the phrase “interface”. After hearing it so many times, it became a part of his buzzword vocabulary. It caught up to him, and he didn’t even know it!
On a sunny Saturday, I called him at his office (he often worked weekends). When he answered the phone, I asked:
“Hey mate, are you free for lunch in about 10 minutes?”
“I am interfacing with a client at the moment.”
“You’re having sex?”, I asked. I then heard a woman laughing in the background.
“No I’m just in a meeting, and you’re on speaker.”
“I see, so you’re interfacing with her?”, I asked.
“Yes.”
“You’re talking to her?”, I asked.
“Yes.”
“Ah I see. I’m going to go and interface with someone else who doesn’t use the word ‘interface’.”
Please. Speak like a human being.
My purpose is not to ridicule. It is not to stunt our personal growth and pursue a better use of the English language. It is simply to be mindful of “why” you are talking in such a manner.
There is a point of diminishing returns. After reaching fluency in any language, there is a point beyond which you’re communication becomes worthless. Rather than trying too hard, focus on your audience, whether this is one person or a million.
As teenagers abuse the thesaurus on their home computers, adults bloat simple communication to appear wiser. Words like “strategy and synergy” have been thrown around so much that they no longer hold any meaning.
I will leave you with one final, but memorable story about a board meeting that regularly brings a smile on my face. My project manager and I were mere spectators to a verbal death-match between two managers. After half an hour, my project manager stepped in, held up a chart and said:
“Is this what you’re saying?”
To which one of the managers replied:
“I’m not saying that’s what I’m saying. I’m saying: I don’t know what I’m saying.”
…Such is the life of today’s corporate verbal junkie.
Similar Articles
- Lose the Maturity. Start acting like a kid today!
- The Art of Verbal Intimidation : Learn it and fight back!
- Conflict: Your guide to resolving any heated argument
- Conflict: How to approach issues with Employers and Managers
- Self Help: The Elusive Pursuit of Perfection
- Confidence: An inside out approach
- You believe WHAT?
I have seen many business proposals written in a way which noone can understand without a dictionary.
There is another aspect also. If your language is not flowery… some might not take you seriously.
Hi Jay,
welcome back buddy - wooooo :p
First time comment but I’ve always enjoyed your blog and was hoping you’d be back soon.
Nice post, I strongly agree with you on buzzwords in the corporate / working environment - as a trainer I’ve always made a conscious effort to not use any buzzwords. They can feel very condescending and undermine your credibility.
One thing that did strike me as strange about your post was how your first interaction with the the sharply dressed manager was to write bullsh!t on your page and confront him with it as your opening communication.
Then following it up with:
I replied, “I’m sorry, but I cannot *professionally* do my job if you continue to speak like that.”
To me, if your job was to gather requirements from those two fellows I really don’t see how that would help your cause - quite the opposite. This sharply dressed dude sounds like he cares about his image and others perception of him - the kind that would perhaps hold a grudge to anyone he feels ‘makes him look like a fool’?
Maybe theres more to it but my gut feeling is that taking that approach - with that type of guy - would only foster resentment and make your working life harder.
Are you saying that anyone that feels the same about the buzzword culture has a responsibility to open peoples eyes to our way of thinking? Or that such an approach would have any sort of result other then causing that person to hold a grudge towards you?
cheers!
Hi Jackmo,
I am glad to be back! You are absolutely correct. In fact, this highly agitated the other fellow. There was a little more to the story. I told these gentlemen that their employer pays a large sum of money daily for me to work with them. It is in their best interest to communicate with me clearly, and concisely. They will save a lot of money and time in the long run, if we avoid the nonsense and cut to the bone.
I have spent countless hours in meetings, in which nothing of any value was discussed. These meetings can quickly become a platform for egomaniacs to hear the sound of their voice. The truth is, if I leave that meeting with nothing of value, then I am the one who has to explain myself.
Corporate speak doesn’t impress me, and I am rarely in a mood to be impressed in these meetings. Although I try to be diplomatic in most of my dealings with other people, sometimes you need to put your foot down.
If this client no longer wanted to deal with me, or the company I represent, I will make the case that this particular individual would create an ongoing issue in meetings. I do not adhere to the philosophy of “customer is always right”. If a customer insists on being right, we prefer to find a customer who is reasonable instead.
Thanks again for your comment Jacko!
Cheers,
-Jay
Haha, I love these stories. I wonder if these people ever changed their ways of talking after you pointed them out (probably not) though.
I myself have been in the United States for 10 years now. I used to write better essays than some of the native speakers of English even though I had a smaller vocabulary. I just made my points clear without fancy words. Communicating ideas should always have priorities over fancy words that don’t make sense once put together.
Excellent article !
But then, these corporate jargons are useful if the real meaning of those jargons are understood well by the audience. They represent an abstraction, which i find it useful, if everybody understands it .
And worse the guy who spits these jargons is considered to be the pioneer among peers. That is sometime disgusting when you put in lot of efforts and it is not recognised!
This is an excellent post! Well articulated and so true!
It reminds me of the buzzword bingo IBM commercial that runs during weekend golf tournaments. I work with a buzzword-slinging colleague and often in meetings when she is speaking, I want to shout, “Bingo!”
I don’t work in an office (thank the maker) but I find your blog refreshing and useful. I don’t always agree with what you say, like your post on kindness, but I enjoy your blog every time I read it.
It takes a good amount of confidence and courage to be so bold! Sticking to the facts “I want to make money on the internet / it’s in our best interest to cut to the bone”) seems to lessen the blow on these types of things. “You egotistical ass, I am so holy in all of my simplicity” is just as foul. You set a great example, Jay, and it’s this example I value even more so than any specific topic you write about.
I use the thesaurus.
It’s helpful when trying to use *less words *more efficiently. Thanks for the post!
An entertaining article indeed. I often wonder why people associate lack of personal emotions = professionalism. More often than not, such ‘professionalism’ makes things complicated.
Ah…the curses of established traditions
Wonderful article.
Me too share the same feeling as of Jay.
Many people think, talking without industry-related terms (rightly called buzzwords), makes them seem un-professional.
Their speech could create a verbal impact, but, it never conveys what it intended to.
And Jay, I loved this:
“When he asked for feedback in his annual review, I commented that “a dog scratching a door communicates his needs far better than you do.”"
I had a consulting client once who said “We need a strategy for deconflicting our corporate communications.”
Asking him for a definition would have meant additional hours of pontification so I enjoyed an open-eyed nap until he was finished with whatever crap he had to say. He was obviously part of the problem he was trying to solve.
@Sylvia
That is brilliant! Deconflicting our corporate communications?? I wonder how these people manage to buy a loaf of bread.
A: “We need a strategy for deconflicting our corporate communications.”
B: “Then we’ll need to dissect our unifying interconnection.”
…
B: “You’re fired.”
Good article!
Incorrect use of *you’re* vs *your* drives me crazy though.
“…there is a point beyond which you’re communication becomes worthless.”
Jay,
Foud your site as i was researching the meaning of something abreviations i read and did not understand. Not an English speaker, but it isnt very different over here in Angola. Similar attitude in a different language. Great article. You have made me laugh.
Sylvia equaly great response. You have humor.
Great article as ever: Nicely laid out and brilliantly articulated. I love the way you write - especially your 100% accurate usage of grammar, punctuation and English in general.
Each article you publish makes for a truly enjoyable read. Thanks!
@Megan, I love the phrase you use at the end of your comment. I may have to use it if I ever have the chance to teach somebody to use a thesaurus: Use less words more efficiently, not more words less efficiently.