Comments on: Self Help: The Elusive Pursuit of Perfection http://www.jaymorrissey.com/2008/05/12/self-help-and-the-pursuit-of-perfection/ Practical advice for better living Thu, 04 Dec 2008 02:59:17 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.1 By: Rose C http://www.jaymorrissey.com/2008/05/12/self-help-and-the-pursuit-of-perfection/#comment-658 Rose C Thu, 14 Aug 2008 14:36:40 +0000 http://www.jaymorrissey.com/2008/05/12/self-help-and-the-pursuit-of-perfection/#comment-658 Yes the story of Matthew was somehwat interesting. My question is that after his "self help book interview that you found so amusing, and his creepy 15 second stare, "Why did you hire him?" So you could throw spitballs in his cubicle ilsolation box? Just curious. Rose C . Yes the story of Matthew was somehwat interesting. My question is that after his “self help book interview that you found so amusing, and his creepy 15 second stare, “Why did you hire him?” So you could throw spitballs in his cubicle ilsolation box?
Just curious.
Rose C

.

]]> By: Karthick http://www.jaymorrissey.com/2008/05/12/self-help-and-the-pursuit-of-perfection/#comment-372 Karthick Tue, 27 May 2008 08:00:24 +0000 http://www.jaymorrissey.com/2008/05/12/self-help-and-the-pursuit-of-perfection/#comment-372 Great article Jay. I enjoyed every word you wrote on this. And so much of it is true. There are some books though that are a must read to know the subject, but true knowledge comes from experience. THE only problem I see is that when you are older you wish you were a bit wiser in somethings you did, while you learnt what to do and not to do you sometimes wish that someone told you this beforehand. That's where the genuine books might help. That story about Matthew was lol. Great article Jay. I enjoyed every word you wrote on this. And so much of it is true. There are some books though that are a must read to know the subject, but true knowledge comes from experience.

THE only problem I see is that when you are older you wish you were a bit wiser in somethings you did, while you learnt what to do and not to do you sometimes wish that someone told you this beforehand.

That’s where the genuine books might help. That story about Matthew was lol.

]]> By: jb http://www.jaymorrissey.com/2008/05/12/self-help-and-the-pursuit-of-perfection/#comment-369 jb Sat, 24 May 2008 13:51:43 +0000 http://www.jaymorrissey.com/2008/05/12/self-help-and-the-pursuit-of-perfection/#comment-369 funny that THIS post of all of the ones I've read over the past 6 months or so is having the biggest impact on me and drawing out the most action and change. Thanks. funny that THIS post of all of the ones I’ve read over the past 6 months or so is having the biggest impact on me and drawing out the most action and change. Thanks.

]]> By: Kelvin B. http://www.jaymorrissey.com/2008/05/12/self-help-and-the-pursuit-of-perfection/#comment-364 Kelvin B. Sun, 18 May 2008 16:59:07 +0000 http://www.jaymorrissey.com/2008/05/12/self-help-and-the-pursuit-of-perfection/#comment-364 I always have fun reading your articles, though this one was a strange one to take in. More often than not, I never really "learn" anything from the articles of yours i read, I usually just get the lessons I've learned put more clearly into words. This one sorta leaves me thinking, a lot. Personal growth is something I've been striving for in the past two years, and i feel its been really successful, but i tend to make a lot of mistakes. This article made me realize that the more regrettable mistakes were made from me acting selfishly around others. Perhaps i will lessen those mistakes with some of the information i learned from this. I don't want to be a suck up, but i feel like l got something really good from this, and I want to thank you for it. I always have fun reading your articles, though this one was a strange one to take in. More often than not, I never really “learn” anything from the articles of yours i read, I usually just get the lessons I’ve learned put more clearly into words. This one sorta leaves me thinking, a lot. Personal growth is something I’ve been striving for in the past two years, and i feel its been really successful, but i tend to make a lot of mistakes. This article made me realize that the more regrettable mistakes were made from me acting selfishly around others. Perhaps i will lessen those mistakes with some of the information i learned from this.
I don’t want to be a suck up, but i feel like l got something really good from this, and I want to thank you for it.

]]> By: stockmarketreviews http://www.jaymorrissey.com/2008/05/12/self-help-and-the-pursuit-of-perfection/#comment-357 stockmarketreviews Tue, 13 May 2008 11:26:40 +0000 http://www.jaymorrissey.com/2008/05/12/self-help-and-the-pursuit-of-perfection/#comment-357 books motivate us to take real actions in life . but yes real life experiences are best books motivate us to take real actions in life . but yes real life experiences are best

]]> By: Enrico http://www.jaymorrissey.com/2008/05/12/self-help-and-the-pursuit-of-perfection/#comment-356 Enrico Tue, 13 May 2008 09:48:15 +0000 http://www.jaymorrissey.com/2008/05/12/self-help-and-the-pursuit-of-perfection/#comment-356 I've discussed this topic recently with my girlfriend who, like your brother, is a successful person with a strong hold on life and real experience that hates the self-help approach. I've started my "self-help" path with the usual books: Richard Bach, Saint Exupery, in my 20s Coelho, books that gave me the belief that you can learn something good from written words. It was like a flow of water that after the first resistance break free and invade everything: from Jonathan Livingstone to Tony Robbins the step was easy. Now I've a good collection of self-help books, some read and some not, mostly never applied to real life. I must admit that in some cases they helped me to understand something, as you say "to answer a question", but most of them contains just the same words you find everything else, even on bible or other ancient books. Nothing new, just a way to push the same buttons and get our money: the same formula "happy-rich-cool-slim-smart in 5 minutes". If you think about it, it's the same as in past centuries when self-calling doctors gave drink of eternal youth and health to people in the streets, and they get money just because people (aka: we) want to believe in easy remedies to their problems. The mother of this kind of problems, I guess, is thinking that this kind of problems exists and to look for remedies. Most of the problems, the one that came from our self-image, are just a matter of perceptions. I remember an interview to one of the few that survived the suicidal jump from the golden gate. He said "a split of a second after the jump, I realized that all of my problems didn't exist, that life is wonderful, that everything could be changed for the better... and I wanted to not have jumped, to get back on the bridge". In the end he was lucky, I found the truth and survived to his quest. We that read Self-help books could go on with this for all of our life and, like your friend Eli, never attain anything in all of our precious life. I’ve discussed this topic recently with my girlfriend who, like your brother, is a successful person with a strong hold on life and real experience that hates the self-help approach.
I’ve started my “self-help” path with the usual books: Richard Bach, Saint Exupery, in my 20s Coelho, books that gave me the belief that you can learn something good from written words. It was like a flow of water that after the first resistance break free and invade everything: from Jonathan Livingstone to Tony Robbins the step was easy.
Now I’ve a good collection of self-help books, some read and some not, mostly never applied to real life.
I must admit that in some cases they helped me to understand something, as you say “to answer a question”, but most of them contains just the same words you find everything else, even on bible or other ancient books. Nothing new, just a way to push the same buttons and get our money: the same formula “happy-rich-cool-slim-smart in 5 minutes”.
If you think about it, it’s the same as in past centuries when self-calling doctors gave drink of eternal youth and health to people in the streets, and they get money just because people (aka: we) want to believe in easy remedies to their problems.
The mother of this kind of problems, I guess, is thinking that this kind of problems exists and to look for remedies. Most of the problems, the one that came from our self-image, are just a matter of perceptions.
I remember an interview to one of the few that survived the suicidal jump from the golden gate. He said “a split of a second after the jump, I realized that all of my problems didn’t exist, that life is wonderful, that everything could be changed for the better… and I wanted to not have jumped, to get back on the bridge”.
In the end he was lucky, I found the truth and survived to his quest. We that read Self-help books could go on with this for all of our life and, like your friend Eli, never attain anything in all of our precious life.

]]> By: Mikael http://www.jaymorrissey.com/2008/05/12/self-help-and-the-pursuit-of-perfection/#comment-354 Mikael Mon, 12 May 2008 19:25:15 +0000 http://www.jaymorrissey.com/2008/05/12/self-help-and-the-pursuit-of-perfection/#comment-354 "Not only was he completely oblivious to how disingenuous he came across, these books turned him into a corporate moron. " - HAHA! :D Your articles are really awesome, I just ain't sure where you're going with all of them. I would categorize this blog as some kind of self-help-website, so it seems some kind of contradicting to say that we should learn from our own mistakes instead of learning from self-help-books (and pages like this) etc. You say that almost nobody has genuine interest of helping others. I think you're right. It seems like you have the interest of helping others, but when you think about it, there is ALWAYS a reason for helping others, and not just to be kind. Many people smile to the world just to the sake of themselves, not to actually see the smile of other peoples faces. When looking at this blog, for instance, I can think of two realistic reasons for you doing it: 1: You get better conscience, because you know that you're helping other people (like donating money for 3rd world countries) 2: You use the blog to speak to other like-minded people, to share ideas. This would be some of my reasons for writing a blog, what are your reasons? I really liked this article, as you add more perspectives to see success from (not just the "self-help-book-successful")... But I don't agree in everything you say. You should not look for answers, but why not know the answers, so you're able to answer important questions? You normally only make fatal mistakes once, why not try to minimize the damage by knowing the right things to do? You should not read the same answer again and again (like reading self-help-books), you should be critical, and think about what people are trying to put into your mind. “Not only was he completely oblivious to how disingenuous he came across, these books turned him into a corporate moron. ” - HAHA! :D

Your articles are really awesome, I just ain’t sure where you’re going with all of them. I would categorize this blog as some kind of self-help-website, so it seems some kind of contradicting to say that we should learn from our own mistakes instead of learning from self-help-books (and pages like this) etc. You say that almost nobody has genuine interest of helping others. I think you’re right. It seems like you have the interest of helping others, but when you think about it, there is ALWAYS a reason for helping others, and not just to be kind. Many people smile to the world just to the sake of themselves, not to actually see the smile of other peoples faces. When looking at this blog, for instance, I can think of two realistic reasons for you doing it:
1: You get better conscience, because you know that you’re helping other people (like donating money for 3rd world countries)
2: You use the blog to speak to other like-minded people, to share ideas.
This would be some of my reasons for writing a blog, what are your reasons?

I really liked this article, as you add more perspectives to see success from (not just the “self-help-book-successful”)… But I don’t agree in everything you say.
You should not look for answers, but why not know the answers, so you’re able to answer important questions? You normally only make fatal mistakes once, why not try to minimize the damage by knowing the right things to do?
You should not read the same answer again and again (like reading self-help-books), you should be critical, and think about what people are trying to put into your mind.

]]> By: Jackmo http://www.jaymorrissey.com/2008/05/12/self-help-and-the-pursuit-of-perfection/#comment-352 Jackmo Mon, 12 May 2008 08:55:24 +0000 http://www.jaymorrissey.com/2008/05/12/self-help-and-the-pursuit-of-perfection/#comment-352 Nice one Jay, I totally agree that there is no substitute for experience. And you're on the money (as usual :p) about people reading books as a substitute for action - I've heard someone theorize that it stems from a fear of failure. By not taking action you don't risk failing, but by reading another book you satiate your desire to grow / achieve. Obviously this won't achieve anything and you need to make mistakes to grow and learn from them. One point I've always found useful re self-help books is reflecting on past mistakes. E.g. when training I would occasionally get people that would be difficult or even disruptive. I recall one middle-age lady, I dealt with her as best I could but didn't understand why she was difficult until months later reading a story about Milton Erickson influencing one of his difficult patients. This allowed me to realise what she was feeling and in hindsight, what the best course of action would have been. another interesting and thought provoking article, cheers! Nice one Jay, I totally agree that there is no substitute for experience.

And you’re on the money (as usual :p) about people reading books as a substitute for action - I’ve heard someone theorize that it stems from a fear of failure. By not taking action you don’t risk failing, but by reading another book you satiate your desire to grow / achieve.

Obviously this won’t achieve anything and you need to make mistakes to grow and learn from them.

One point I’ve always found useful re self-help books is reflecting on past mistakes. E.g. when training I would occasionally get people that would be difficult or even disruptive. I recall one middle-age lady, I dealt with her as best I could but didn’t understand why she was difficult until months later reading a story about Milton Erickson influencing one of his difficult patients. This allowed me to realise what she was feeling and in hindsight, what the best course of action would have been.

another interesting and thought provoking article, cheers!

]]> By: Farfield http://www.jaymorrissey.com/2008/05/12/self-help-and-the-pursuit-of-perfection/#comment-350 Farfield Mon, 12 May 2008 08:38:50 +0000 http://www.jaymorrissey.com/2008/05/12/self-help-and-the-pursuit-of-perfection/#comment-350 Great article! It's good to see all those books in perspective. I think the most imporant sentence in your article is this: "It is pointless looking for answers if you have no questions". If you have questions though, reading the right book can often provide a lot of answers or moments of recognition. 'Too much' is never a good thing. But getting new ideas and implementing them in your life is a good thing in my opinion, as long as they blend in with your personality and don't make you someone you're not. And taking action is the most important part. I agree with that. You can read about something all the time, but there's no point in just reading and not acting. A dangerous thing about these books is that readers start to feel superior to the people around them, looking at all the 'mistakes' they make in life. That's what happened with the guy offering those books on his first date. It's very important to separate your own development from that of others, I think. I like to read books that aren't just about being more productive to be able to get more work done and then work more and more. I like to read about being more productive and efficient with my time to be able to have a good amount of time to just do other things. That's why I like 'The Now Habit' by Neil Fiore, and I just read 'The 4-Hour Work Week' by Tim Ferris. I found especially the last one very inspiring. Great article!
It’s good to see all those books in perspective. I think the most imporant sentence in your article is this: “It is pointless looking for answers if you have no questions”. If you have questions though, reading the right book can often provide a lot of answers or moments of recognition.

‘Too much’ is never a good thing. But getting new ideas and implementing them in your life is a good thing in my opinion, as long as they blend in with your personality and don’t make you someone you’re not. And taking action is the most important part. I agree with that. You can read about something all the time, but there’s no point in just reading and not acting.

A dangerous thing about these books is that readers start to feel superior to the people around them, looking at all the ‘mistakes’ they make in life. That’s what happened with the guy offering those books on his first date. It’s very important to separate your own development from that of others, I think.

I like to read books that aren’t just about being more productive to be able to get more work done and then work more and more. I like to read about being more productive and efficient with my time to be able to have a good amount of time to just do other things. That’s why I like ‘The Now Habit’ by Neil Fiore, and I just read ‘The 4-Hour Work Week’ by Tim Ferris. I found especially the last one very inspiring.

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